Keeping it Real: Motherhood

I will tell you what, motherhood is no joke. All that love you have for those tiny little humans—it’s like your heart, mind, and body could combust with it. All that frustration you have for the same tiny humans you love so much—it’s almost like having hot steam build up and come out of your eyes and ears, it’s painful. The good, the bad, and the ugly was meant for mothers. We deal with so much. We endure trauma and emotional stress. We burst with pride and love. We wonder if we are doing it wrong. Sometimes, we see we are doing it right. We second-guess ourselves, and plow through praying that we are making the best choices for our tiny humans. Motherhood is no joke.

My children yesterday were terrible. They were into everything. Playing off each other, each one trying to one up the other on how to get mom to lose her mind. Granted I am talking about a 5-year-old and a 3-year-old; but my 3-year-old would look directly in my eyes and then do what I had just popped her for a minute earlier. My 5-year-old is autistic, so the loudness that ensues with popping my 3-year-old for bad behavior—it’s hard for him to process the world around him. Screaming sends him into steming fits. So, my 5-year-old was screaming and running back and forth through the house; he likes to run away when the world around him is too much. They both have a tendency to go raid the fridge and play with or eat what they find, which in turn make very large messes. My focus can’t be lost for a moment on them. I have to be constantly on them. Well, my focus was lost—just for a second; their room was the biggest disaster yet (and I hope that will ever be). It was so bad that I took everything off their walls, all their toys, and moved all of their books. They got pops, and my husband and I gave them a talking to about their room. But after everything of the day, I was like a loose fire cracker—ready to go off at a moments notice.

So, Last night my husband asked me where I wanted to go eat; I told him don’t let me pick because all I want to do is feed my emotions with a Chinese buffet. He took me to Jason’s Deli where I ate off the salad bar—instead of eating my emotions (like I have done for so many years) I ate healthy. And for once I didn’t feel the guilt of emotional binge eating. This morning I could see the real issue without guilt or cloudy eyes or self-hate. It was pretty amazing. I could focus on what was most important, my tiny humans who sent me for a loop yesterday and what to do about them.

My tiny humans are awesome. I love them so much. But each one has their own special issues that I have to deal with and try to teach them to cope with. Motherhood really is no joke, and that is why we still have to have our best interests at heart in our fight to become healthy. We can’t let the frustrations of our motherhood let us forget that we could be even better mothers if we were healthy. It is true what they say, ‘when the tough get going, the going get tough”. Don’t get distracted by emotions that you go to far and binge eat. Becareful. If I can do it. SO CAN YOU!

©copyright 4/9/18
Written By: Amy Shaw

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